As everyone I have demons I must fight everyday. The demon that pulls at me the most is lust. To understand my demon, you must understand my story…
I was a typical high school student, I had the boyfriend, the friends and the grades to boot. The one thing I figured I did not need was a savior. I was not living a very christian lifestyle. I viewed church as an inconvience. By my junior year I has stopped going all together. None of my friends were christians, my boyfriend was a self proclaimed athiest. At the time I saw nothing wrong.
We had been dating for a few months, and I gave that boy something I can never have back. I fell into the world of sex that was made to look glamorous by pop culture. Nothing about it felt glamorous to me. At the end of the day, I felt used and alone. By the one year mark in our relationship the only thing we truly had left was lust. It was soon we became bored with him and I turned to pornography. This is not something I care to admit to most, but I feel I must be perfectly honest here. I soon became addicted and I wanted to fufill my need for it multiple times a day. It was only a short release from my world however. When I came down from my “high” I hated myself. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror.
To be expected that boy and I broke up just before my graduation. You would think the lust thing would then begin to blow over? Wrong. I became someone I promised myself I would never be. We became “Friends with benefits”. It didn’t take me long to figure out I was not at all benefiting from this friendship, and I lost countless things to this mistake. One of which was a potentially great relationship. I continued to sneak around with him for months. In this time I felt worse and worse about myself. And I turned to God.
I began attending church regularly. One service really spoke to me. The pastor said “To be ignorant of the word it bad, but to know the word and ignore it is far worse”. That is what I have been doing, ignoring what I know is right, I was giving into desires of the flesh instead of desires of my God. This story does have a happy ending, I told him last week this has to stop. He understood, he didn’t ridicule me like I had expected. It didn’t hurt to say it, and I know it’s what God wanted. It’s never to late to turn away from what you are doing. The beautiful thing is all you have to do is turn, God is already there waiting for you.
I praise God. I am so thankful that he accepts me as the broken mess I am. He has great plans for me, as he does for everyone. I just want to leave you with this, I am not beyond repair and neither are you.
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Hello all. My name is Kristin. I decided to start this blog as an outlet of my everyday struggles and praises. So, I guess I will start off by telling a little more aboiut myself. I was born 19 years ago in Cincinnati, Ohio. I have lived in Ohio for most of my life, but I did briefly live in Kentucky as well. I have lived a life with many trials. I was born to two parents who weren’t exactly child ready. Niether of them were readsy to give up the drinking or the drugs. I spent much of my time with my Father’s parents. I did eventually end up living with my Mother when she got her life together, I was 12.
I went to church when I was younger, but I didn’t really accept Christ into my life until I was faced with a great loss. When I was 14 my mother was diagnosed with cancer. She passed 2 months before my 15th birthday. I would not have made it through this time alone. I clung to the knowledge that there is an all powerful God, and he loves me. He loved me as the broken girl I was, and now as the struggling Christian I am. Well, I will really start this later. Have a great day.